July 31, 2017: The course of true work never did run smooth [Day 1]

Oh, the beginning of a project! There's always such promise, such eagerness ... and such getting tangled in my own feet. Pfft!! :) Today is the start of re-opening my trilogy, and applying Libbie Hawker's genius outlining methods to my own characters. 

I always imagine projects feeling a certain way when I begin: I picture myself being decisive, clear-headed, and confident as I sail into the start of things. But ... that's not so much how it goes.

In fact, this is the super glamorous way that I've spent the past week, backing into the start of this project: 

  • Clean and reorganize everything. EV-RY-THING. Deal with all mystery stains, obscure filing projects, junk drawers. Slay all dust bunnies.
  • Scan commitments and obligations and try to get out of absolutely anything that doesn't have to do with work. Does this make me a bad person? Muse on that likely prospect, and then cancel anyway.
  • Begin dreading anything that I couldn't get out of. Even if it's several weeks/months/years down the road. 
  • Grab a calendar and plan the course of the project. Oh, wait: Have any of these plans really worked out before? Haven't I sworn off/picked up planning multiple times before? But then, didn't Eisenhower have a great quote about plans being worthless but the action of planning essential?
  • Feel better. Make the plan. Then wander around with "planning hangover," feeling the weight of all that undone work.
  • Pick up a new app to help keep track of the plan. Remember how steep my learning curve usually is with new technology. 
  • Come down with a weird, indefinable, but truly-I-promise-it's-legit virus. Right before the kickoff.
  • And then psychoanalyze self: is this illness Resistance? or is this really a weird bug? Should I push through it and work anyway? or will the work be crap if I do that? but does it matter if it's crap? OR, do I rest as much as possible and hope to head it off at the pass, and then get a lot more work done later because healthy-me works so much faster than sick-me?
  • Take a nap to take a break from psychoanalyzing.
  • And then, oh hey, the first task is pretty tame and harmless, and I can probably knock that out, even though I feel crummy . . . 
  • And, um, maybe this other one, too . . . 
  • And hey, I got all the stuff done on my novel's to-do list for today. How did that happen?
  • And can I pull it off again tomorrow?? 

Haha! Oh, the nerves. At least I recognize them by now. Going to pat myself on the head for trying, make a big mug of tea, swallow all the vitamin C I can find, and go to bed.